Life? What’s that been about?
Life lately has been a concoction of online zoom meetings, PowerPoint presentation building, capstone project preparing, curriculum development, coffee-making, therapy-screening, sad love movie marathoning, yoga stretching, body pillow hugging, and a headspace app every morning to help transition me into the openning and closing of my eyes. In addition to the multiple short-cry sessions as I drive from one location to the next. Petra has certainly seen better days. I still need to get better at that, just letting it out as it comes. I’m accepting all the sad movie recommendations. PLEASE! Drop them in the comment section or send me a sweet message/e-mail. But, alas, I shall not stray.
These last few months have been heavy on the soul. Too heavy to leave me able to understand anything happening around me. But as fear continues to creep up everywhere I go, I try to hold on to the sight of hope in search for better days. So yes, I do the things I can to keep hope alive such as weekly calls with my therapist(s). Yes, I said therapists. I currently have two very distinct chapters in my life, happening simultaneously at the same time and I need all the (wo)men I can afford to gather.
On that note, I recently popped my Tarot card reading cherry and had my cards read by a dear friend, and the two questions I asked to set the tone for my reading were so big and so distinct (much like the two distinct conversations I have with my therapists) it caused it to be a difficult read. But a good reading at that. So, unintentionally, these two therapists who have each came into my life at very different chapters, came at a moment I needed all the advice and guidance i can muster. I’ve decided to keep them for the time being. This wouldnt be necessary if I was initially good at opening up to my circle of trusted confidants. I’m getting much better at being open and sharing how I am feeling, but for now, these two guidance counselors serve me well.
I also read 3 books (thank you book club and recommendations). Graduated from my MA degree program. Declined a job offer, still living relatively poor. And have begun sharing more with my immediate circle. Sharing the burden, one brave storytelling moment at a time.
I also slowly began pampering myself in ways I neglected for years like getting my hair done, facials, nails done, and buying face masks to keep those quiet nights hydrated. Keeping in mind that these are all being done in the middle of deeply disturbing moments and short-lived crying sessions, they have definitely been helping
Life lately is ongoing moments of happiness shared with mentors, advisors, and colleagues/friends and triggering moments that remind me I am still in a very deep mourning period. I won’t go into details due to respect for other parties but I will say that this mourning period has been prolonged in damaging and life-altering ways. As I mourn, however, I’m still holding on. Im not sure if that’s helping my healing process though. Events have not stopped, therefore healing has not truly begun. And that’s where I struggle. My 29th year is proving to be a slow, arduous and exciting one. Exciting for professional endeavors and scary for drastic changes.
I have new plans for the blog that I’d like to share more about soon. But for now, making it this far to actually sit and write–something I’ve been thinking about for weeks but haven’t been able to beat my anxiety enough to sit through it–is accomplishment enough for me.