I’m currently in a trance. It feels. Like I’ve been zapped by some existential crisis and am now in a power outage of my own. It’s not just the instability and emotional toll of my personal relationships, but my professional life as well. I’m feeling, and I hate to admit this, stuck. Underemployed for sure. Underappreciated. Undervalued. But I did choose this. Some of this.
Although all that is encompassing and influencing the emotional state of my mind, I am choosing to follow the light. The light in potential work possibilities. Travel possibilities (yes, I’m still itching to relocate, again). The exciting venture of rooting myself in a place of my own. It’s all exciting and definitely grounding me into my age of late twenties.
I’m currently reading, The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay and it feels like a bucket of bricks has hit me on the side of the head. With epiphanies! As I sit in tears, snot, devastation, and defeat because of the happenings brought on by others I can’t control and by my own frustrating shortcomings, I’m reminded–or more so forcibly remind myself–that I’m doing good. Given the scary and traumatizing circumstances, I still have a roof over my head, a job that happily distracts me, a nearly completed capstone, and a post-grad degree I am so proud of pursuing following immediately after. A ticket to freedom as I’ve planned it to be. And with this, I hang on to hope like it’s the death of me to let go.
I continue to follow the light, stubbornly believing that it’s still going to be okay. It might just look different than I’d planned it all a few months ago. Having no idea what anything looks like, will look like, should look like – I continue to follow the light.
Because what’s the alternative? Staying here in the most dizzying state of life.
No thank you.
I welcome anyone who wants to join me into the light. I believe it’s nicer out there.